A difficult situation can be handled in two ways: We can either do something to change it, or face it. If we can do something, then why worry and get upset over it -just change it. If there is nothing we can do, again, why worry and get upset over it? Things will not get better with anger and worry.
~ Shantidera ~
Life is a continuous journey beset with problems. As long as we live in this world, problems and troubles will always be a part and parcel of human experience. On some occasions, we may be blessed with gain, fame, praise or happiness; and we may also face the unfavourable situations of loss, ill-fame, blame and pain. Life swings like a pendulum. One moment, it swings towards favourable conditions which we receive so heartily; at another moment, it swings towards unfavourable conditions which we so desperately seek to avoid.
Instead of understanding worldly conditions, as what they really are, people sometimes have the tendency to magnify their troubles. This is similar to the saying 'making a mountain out of a molehill.' When people lose someone or something they love, they feel that they will never be able to be happy again. When disturbed and harassed by people who are insensitive to their needs, they feel that they have never before been so harshly treated. And they carry that hurt in their minds, clinging to the pain needlessly and continuing to suffer with those thoughts. Would it not be better to let go of such thoughts and realise that since all conditioned things must one day come to an end, so the unfavourable situations they are experiencing will also pass away?
We should understand that there is a way out of the suffering and problems we face in this life. None is hopelessly condemned to eternal misery, unless he himself allows it to be so. It is important to realise that all conditioned phenomena, including suffering and all problems, arise out of causes and that nothing can arise by way of independent causes. Having realised this, we can put an end to each and every form of suffering by discovering the root causes of our problems.
Facing Problems
We should not be disheartened when faced with problems, but instead act wisely in overcoming them. No worldly-minded person can ever be free from problems. Hence, it is not so much who experiences problems that marks the difference between a wise and an unwise person, but the manner in which he faces them.
Socrates, whose wife was reputed to be hot tempered would always find fault with him and used to nag him almost daily. One day, when she had finished all what she had to say, Socrates complimented her saying that compared to previous occasions, she had on that particular day shown some improvement in her diction and style of speech.
This shows how a wise person should face false accusation and blame in a humourous way.
Pandit Nehru once said: 'We have to face problems and try to solve them. We have to face them, certainly, on a spiritual background; but not run away from them in the name of spiritualism.'
Ella Wilcox gives her viewpoint on smiling one's way out of troubles.
'It's easy enough to be pleasant;
When life flows like a song,
But the man worthwhile,
Is the one who can smile,
When things go dead wrong.
For the test of the heart is trouble
And it always comes with the years,
And the smile that is worth
The praises of earth,
Is the smile that shines through the tears.'
Dr. Rabindranath Tagore, a well-known Indian poet, explains in a prayer, the approach to face problems without harbouring fear or worry.
'Let me not pray to be sheltered from dangers,
But be fearless in facing them.
Let me not beg for the stilling of my pain,
But for the heart to conquer it.
Let me not crave in anxious fear to be saved,
But hope for the patience to win my freedom.'
Something unpleasant happens, say, our favourite thing or possession is lost or is accidentally broken. There are two ways of reacting to the loss and damage. We can either choose to brood over it, by blaming either ourselves or others. Or we can pass it off by saying 'The thing is gone. It is bad enough to have lost it, but why should we allow it to make us unhappy to suffer the loss and damage?' It would be useful to trace back to the causes that had led to the breakage and loss so as to avoid such an occurrence in the future. We can also think about how the loss can be replaced, or how to avert whatever problems that may arise from that loss. If the loss is of no real consequence to others, we may even start to do something else to take our mind from the incident, since it is in the nature of compounded things that such occurrences happen. Should an unfortunate thing happen and if it is beyond our control, then with the support of our understanding of the nature of life, we must have the courage to face it.
In other words, adopt a positive frame of mind when faced with such problems, rather than let it dwell on negative states. If unhappiness should arise due to a negative frame of mind it is really of our own doing or seeking.
According to the Buddha, 'Mind is the forerunner of all states. Mind is chief; mind-made are these states.' The Buddha also taught that our sorrows are caused by our own actions and arise from our own ignorance. He showed us how to remove sorrow, but we ourselves must work to gain happiness.
Developing Courage and Understanding
All negative forces can be uprooted by the correct method of meditation or mental culture as taught by the Buddha, because the untrained mind is the main cause of such illness or problems. The Buddha had said that the mind is very hard to perceive, extremely subtle and it wanders at will. A wise person will guard it as a guarded mind is conducive to happiness.
It is common for people to blame others for their worries, especially when they do not find a solution to their problems. Under these circumstances, it is so convenient to find a scapegoat: someone who could be blamed for those problems and on whom grievances could be vented. When a child is hurt it starts to cry. To stop it from crying and to make it feel better, its mother pretends to hit another person just to show the child that he or she had been responsible for having caused it to cry. The child being satisfied that its vengeance had been accomplished stops crying and starts to smile. This clearly shows that the taking of revenge on someone gives satisfaction to the ordinary human mind.
It is always hard to admit one's shortcomings, and so easy to lay the blame on someone else. In fact, some would even take pleasure in doing so but it is a wrong attitude to adopt. When faced with a similar situation, we should not be resentful or angry with others. We should do our utmost in a painstaking and calm way to solve our own problems. It is always good to remember that while others can create disturbances which provide conditions for the arising of worries within us, no one can create worries in our mind if we know how to guard ourselves well.
In the Dhammapada, the Buddha said: 'Your worst enemy cannot harm you as much as your own mind, unguarded. But once mastered, no one can help you as much, not even your father, mother or any other relative.'
The following injunctions by a well-known poet can help us to face our troubles with courage and without harbouring resentment in our hearts.
Have faith in you
'If you keep your head, while all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when others doubt you,
But make allowances for their doubting too;
'If you can wait and not be tired by waiting
Or being lied about and not deal in lies,
Or being hated and not give way to hating,
Nor yet look too good, nor talk too wise;
'If you can dream and not make dreams your Master,
If you can think and not make thought your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two imposters just the same;
'If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it in one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose and start again at the beginning,
And not breathe a word about your loss;
'If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or see the things you give your life to, broken
And stop to build them up again with worn-out tools;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinews
To serve their turn long after they are done,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the will which says to them, "Hold on!"
'If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with Kings and not lose the common touch;
If neither foes or loving friends can hurt you
And all men count with you, but none too much;
'If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it
And, what is more, you'll be a man, My Son!'
When we are faced with fear, considerable courage is required to recognise the truth of its origin, and still greater courage to accept that truth after we have experienced it. We attract what we fear and when we confront fears they disappear. Getting that fear out into the open and frankly facing it is of primary importance. If we can objectively trace the origin of the fear, we would have won half the battle of overcoming it.
When faced with worries, we should not wear a sulky face and exhibit it to the rest of the world. Everyone has enough of his or her own problems, without having to add on something extra from someone else. If we like we could confide our problems with another person or speak to someone who can really help us, but not add to the misery of one who cannot.
Do we have the courage and strength to maintain a smile when facing difficulties? It is not really difficult, if we were to reduce the egoism which leads one to believe that only he or she alone needs comforting. In addition, we should also count our blessings rather than shortcomings. Always remember the saying, 'I complained that I had no shoes until I met a man who had no feet.' When we think thus, we will realise that there are many people who may be in an even worse position than we ourselves, and against this understanding our own problem can be reduced accordingly.
Thinking of others rather than brooding over our own problems is also a way of being happy. The person who is busy making others happy will have no time to think of his own selfish needs.
A noted British anatomist was once asked by a student: 'What is the best cure for fear?' His answer was, 'Try doing something for someone.' The student was considerably astonished and requested for further clarification. In reply the instructor said, 'You can't have two opposing sets of thoughts in your mind at one and the same time. One set of thoughts will always drive the other out. If, for instance, your mind is completely occupied with an unselfish desire to help someone else, you can't be harbouring fear at the same time.' This notion that it is impossible to have a wholesome thought and an unwholesome thought at one and the same time has been pointed out in the Buddha's teachings. By constantly striving to develop a wholesome state of mind, we can leave no room for delusion or fear to take root. In addition, we will also be able to maintain a warm feeling of having done something useful for another.
An important step in controlling the mind is the disciplining of the body and speech. The five sense organs namely eyes, nose, tongue, ears, and body — provide living beings with sense-information from their environment. The eyes see objects which create thoughts. Likewise, the ears are drawn to sounds and the nose to smells which also create thoughts. Arising from the sense information of seeing, hearing, smelling, tasting and touching, the mind distinguishes that which is pleasant, unpleasant and neutral. In addition, it also dictates what the body should do in response to the same signal. Most people respond to their sense-objects spontaneously, developing attachment to pleasant objects and aversion to unpleasant objects. There are very few people who are not controlled by these conditioned responses.
One must learn to control one's thoughts in order to have a better control over one's body and speech. Thoughts can be classified as wholesome and unwholesome. Wholesome thoughts are those that contribute to the development of a positive character, proper attitude and right behaviour. Such thoughts are conducive to the benefit and well-being of mankind. On the other hand, thoughts which undermine the development of a positive individual and contribute to the detriment of mankind are unwholesome thoughts.
One should learn to recognize the nature of one's thoughts as they arise from moment to moment, distinguishing the wholesome thoughts from the unwholesome ones. Once a person has developed the facility of watching his thoughts, he has made a significant headway in nurturing wholesome thoughts. If the thoughts in his mind are unwholesome, he applies right effort to remove such unwholesome thoughts, and at the same time prevents the arising of such thoughts. If the thoughts are wholesome, he uses right effort to cultivate and promote such thoughts. In other words, through the cultivation of awareness of one's thoughts, a person can learn to have control over the mind instead of being reactive to sense impulses fed by his senses.
The process of disciplining the body and purifying speech and mind brings happiness. Everyone wants to live happily, and happiness is everyone's birthright. To achieve happiness to which one is entitled, we should practise the self-cleansing process prescribed by the Buddha:
1) To discard all unwholesome thoughts that have arisen;
2) To eliminate unwholesome thoughts as they arise;
3) To nurture wholesome thoughts that have arisen by putting them into daily practice; and
4) To cultivate wholesome thoughts that have not yet arisen.
These four simple guidelines can easily be practised in our daily lives. This is one of the ways to maintain a healthy mind which everyone can follow. Although many may choose not to follow it but would prefer to give in to the dictates of their craving, desire and aversion, we should not follow suit if we sincerely wish to have happiness. It is never too late to start practising self-awareness and discipline to cultivate a positive, wholesome and creative mind. Anytime is a good time to start, especially starting from now.
Putting Problems in Their Proper Perspective
Sometimes when we are faced with a serious problem, we feel depressed with its seeming magnitude and weight. When this happens, it is profitable to wander out in the evening and look up at the sky. We see countless numbers of stars. From outer space, the sun in our solar system will only appear as one of the innumerable number of stars. If the sun were to disappear suddenly from space, would its absence be noticed from outer space?
Our world is only a tiny speck in the universe. What if we were to disappear from the world, would it be of any universal significance? Our loved ones and friends of course will miss us for a time, but besides them, maybe no one else would. But compared to ourselves, how much smaller are our troubles? When we consider the vastness of the universe with the tiny speck which the Sun is and the tinier speck which we call the world, and our troubles will appear very minute indeed in comparison.
If we can see our problems in this perspective, we would understand the first step of the Noble Eight-fold Path, that is, Right Viewpoint. This can also mean a right sense of values, that is, by not thinking that we are more important than we really are. And if we can develop this viewpoint, we will know what things in life matter and what do not, and that our troubles which come and go are of no real significance. Ponder for a moment the significance of the undermentioned valuable saying in Islam.
'Faith is the source of my power.
Sorrow is my friend.
Knowledge is my weapon.
Patience is my Garb and Virtue '
~ Prophet Mohammad ~
Troubles will soon pass. What had caused you to burst into tears today will soon be forgotten tomorrow. You may perhaps remember that you cried, but maybe not the exact circumstances which caused the tears. As we go through life, we waste so much mental energy when we lie awake at night, brooding over something that had upset us during the day. We nurse resentment against someone and keep running the same thoughts over and over again through our mind. But is it not so that while we may fall into a rage about something now, that after some time has elapsed and other problems arise which would seem to be more pressing, we may begin to wonder what it was that in the first place we were so angry about? If we reflect on past resentments, we will be surprised to find how we have deliberately continued to be unhappy when we could have in fact put that unhappiness to a stop by doing or thinking about something else.
Whatever our troubles, however pressing they may appear, time will heal our wounds. But besides leaving things to time, surely there must be something we can do to prevent ourselves from being hurt in the first place. We could maintain our peace of mind by not allowing people or troubles to drain our energies away since it is ourselves and not others who create our unhappiness.
We gain academic knowledge without personal experience. Armed with academic knowledge some young people think they can solve all the world's problems. Science can provide the material things to solve our problems, but it cannot help us to solve our spiritual problems. There is no substitute for wise people who have experienced the world. Think about this saying, "When I was 18, I thought what a fool my father was. Now that I am 28, I am surprised how much the old man has learned in 10 years!" It is not the father that has learned, rather it is you who have learned to see things in a mature way.
related post: Chapter 3: Why Do We Suffer?
Source Of Information:
《How To Live Without Fear & Worry》，by K. Sri Dhammananda, published in October 2018 by The Corporation Republic of Hwa Dzan Society, distributed by Amitabha Buddhist Society Malaysia (92, Jalan Pahang, 53300 Gombak, Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia)
*** The information provided above does not contain personal opinion of this blog.
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